Bitterness...

OK, so it has almost been two weeks since I have recieved a letter from Vinson. I am beyond annoyed because two weeks ago he said he sent it. What the fook is going on? Yes, I need to be used to this by now; however, this letter is important. This letter outlines the possibilites of where he may be station after BMT.

Of course I am not mad or annoyed at Vinson. It is not his fault but not hearing from him after a while makes me feel bitter. I am beginning to feel bitter towards other couples because I can't have what they have. I can't run up and hug Vinson or kiss him or tell him "I love you". The only connection I have with him is reading his letters, over and over. The only comfort I can seek to make me feel he is close.. is to sleep in his over-sized t-shirts at night.

This sucks... that is all I have to say about that.

My P.S.A

Yesterday my mom and I drove to Patrick Air Force Base to get my military I.D. When we walked into the Pass/I.D. office, we sat for 1.5 hours until my number was finally called. When I sat down with the lady, it was literally "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" and I was out the door in five minutes with my I.D.

Umm.. why wasn't it like that for everyone else? Doesn't it always seem that you wait forever for something and when it is finally YOUR turn it takes you less than ten minutes to finish what you needed to do? It was like that for the military I.D., for my SSN, for my driver's lisc....

Anyway! Back on topic! The lady at the office was rude, she clearly didn't want to be there but then again.. if I busted my ass through BMT and the job that was given to me is something that is equivalent to working at the D.M.V, I wouldn't be happy either. She told me not to smile and she snapped my picture in mid-blink. I like to think she did that on purpose. Now I look like I lit up just before my photo but oh well, I guess I am stuck with it until I somehow "lose" my I.D. haha!

Next topic! Well, more like a public service announcement for everyone....

I cannot give you cheap hotel rooms at the drop of a hat! Stop asking me! Just because I can get a $39/night rate at nice hotels doesn't mean you can get that nice, cheap, discount also! If you wan't that discount... you can either A.)find a job at a Hilton Hotel or B.)invite me on your vacation. The discount I have is for EMPLOYEES ONLY! and it comes with a lot of stipulations. I have to booked early in advance because employee reservations ar based on availability ONLY. In addition, I can only book so many nights at a time, and so many rooms at a time, and some hotels don't even participate in the employee-discount program.


Sometimes I need to re-emphasize...the $39/night, employee discount is for EMPLOYEES ONLY. The protocol to book an employee reservation is I have to book online on the employee website. I have to turn in my reservation confirmation to my HR department so my HR can give me an "employee passport" which is verification that I am a hotel employee. When I check in at the hotel, I have to present my employee passport (which will have MY NAME ON IT) and my I.D.

Lucky for you people, Hilton offers discounts for friends and familes of their employees. It is NOT THE SAME DISCOUNT!!! It can be anywhere between $59/night to only half off the room rate. If you want to take advantage of this , you need to contact me ASAP because like the employee discounts.. friends and family discounts are BASED ON AVAILABILITY!! Do not call me on Friday night and say "hey, can you get me hotel room for this weekend?" No, I won't do it and I can't do it because just like employee reservations, I have to get the paperwork needed from my HR department, verifying that you are a friend (or family member)of mine. Oh, as a personal prefrence of mine, I will not get hotel room for your buddy. Your friend is not my friend. Also, I will not give discounts to anyone who I haven't spoken to since high school (figuretivley speaking). Meaning, if we haven't spoken to eachother and now you want to "catch up" and talk about your vacation to St. Petersburg...don't waste your time beating around the bush to ask if I can give you a discount because I won't do it. Sorry.

Furthermore, you need to tell me the date you want to check in..the date you want to check out and where you want to stay. You can't sit there and say "umm..can you get me a hotel room sometime in May?" No! Do your part and I will do the best I can to do mine.

Most Importantly, when I do give you a discount...don't act like assholes. We're all grown adults and we can behave in a hotel. If I find out you've done something that resulted in the hotel escorting you off premises or if you "walk out" on a bill you will not be getting another discount from me.

Sorry to sound abrasive but this is boarderline annoying. I don't mind helping people out (especially for people who've done favors for me)but just understand that giving discounts is more involved than you think.

Half Way Point!

I can't believe he is already at week FOUR of basic military training. One more month and I finally get to see the love of my life. I am so proud of myself for getting this far. What is even better is I got the opportunity to talk to him yesterday for 20mins! It was actually pretty funny because yesterday after work I made a bee-line to my room for a nap, leaving my cellphone in my purse. I didn't think he would call because I hadn't recieved a stinkin' letter for a week. Now I know not to leave my cellphone anywhere.

When he called I couldn't recognize him. Not only was I half asleep, he lost his voice. It took me two minutes to figure out it was him! This is the conversation:

Him: "Hello"
Me: "Hello.....?"
Him: "How are you?"
Me: "Good....?"
Him: "I miss you?...."
Me: "I miss you too...? This is when it finally "clicks" and I realize it is him
Me: "Oh! I miss you too!"

I felt so bad. But good news, he is doing great! He lost his voice because of all the yelling he has been doing. He is still hanging onto Element Leader. He said this week will be an eventful week. He will be getting his sexy dress blues, will get to play on the obstacle course, and have his time in the gas chamber. The unfortunate/fortunate news is he is currently "undeployable" because of his teeth. It is good because the AF won't deploy him until they are fixed but it is bad because he won't get orders to go overseas and we were really looking forward for Germany. But, what is also good is he is a "priority" and they will expedite him to get his teeth fixed. His teeth aren't in the best shape and they are his biggest insecurity.

So after I hung up the phone with him, I wrote him a long letter and finnnnally included some pictures. He has been pestering me about sending some pictures so hopefully the ones I sent him will make him happy. I included two pictures of me, one of us, and one of me and his "rat bastard" (our cat). I will have to go to the post office tomorrow and mail them out.

I still can't believe it has been more than four weeks ago when I dropped him off at his hotel. It is all downhill from here.

My First Phone Call!

I have a test tomorrow in my Lodging Operations class and I have yet to study for it. I just can't seem to concentrate. Ahhh!

Ok so I ffiinnnally got my first phone call yesterday. It made me so happy. So far he is going great. He misses me a lot and wants me to send some pictures. He actually wanted me to go to Walmart that night and print out some pictures. I hhhaate pictures. But if he wants pictures, I guess i'll suck it up just for him. It was sweet because he really loves my letters he just wants to be able to see me now.

He told me he picked out his jobs. He said he detailed everything in a letter he sent so I expect to be getting that pretty soon. I know one of them is supposed to be some kind of computer networking job which is GREAT because that was the whole purpose of him joining. He also was able to tell me where the tech school will be and for how long which is also great because it gives me an idea of a date for the wedding. I really hope he will still get an enlistment bonus. If he earns a decent enlistment bonus, we will be able to pay off debt and use some of the money for some furniture we got rid of when we moved our crap into storage.

So I have been visiting Cinchouse.com and it seems that every girl there is pretty! Holy cow! I haven't found one "meh" girl on there besides myself. It is a little imtimidating. I at least think I look "meh" I am I still don't know how I feel about cinchouse compared to milspouse. It's really retarded to contemplate over which site I like best but seriously. I think I like milspouse better because it is a tigher group of women and there is something else but I can't quite put my finger on it. Hmm...

Well I really need to get started on this exam

To go or not to go..that is the question

I came home after a long day of work yesterday and I found not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4!!! letters on my bed! Woo hoo! That made me so happy! He talked about the average day at boot camp. He made some friends and some enimes because of his position as Element Leader. (I guess a bunch of Airmen are butt-hurt over someone other than the TI's telling them what to do). He told me that if he keeps his spot as Element Leader he will be leading the Airman's Run for his flight. I have NO doubt he will keep his position. I have complete confidence in him and I couldn't be more proud of him.

In one of his letters he told me he wants me to stay with him while he is in tech school. The Air Force will normally move spouses if the training takes 20+ weeks. I want nothing more than to be with him because I can't stand being away from him any longer than I have to. However, the stupid responsible side of me is telling me to stay here, pay off bills, and save money. We don't have a lot of debt but nonetheless I want to be debt free before we move to his first duty station. Plus I want a new living room set. >=D I think what I would do is take one long weekend a month and fly up where he is and visit him. That may make the training feel short because I would be looking forward to the next time I see him. I won't discuss this with Vinson yet because I don't want him to think I don't WANT to be with him. He doesn't need this on his mind while he is finishing his training.

Today should be the offical start of week 3. I am quite proud of myself for doing well this far. 5 more weeks and a few days left to go! Woot woot! I am looking forward to his graduation more than my own.

So I never met up with that old friend yesterday. I think she is pissed due to the fact of some miscommunication. I know I told her I worked Saturday from 7am-3pm but she called me about noon telling me to come over because she had all the hair color ready. I told her I didn't get off until 3pm and I had to go home real quick to take an online test. She told me she would get back to me but never did. I guess it was for the better because on Wednesday night she called me high of roxies and it kind of pissed me off. We were good friends back in the dizzay but I feel a little uncomfortable associating myself with that stuff.

I really wish I had some monies. I really need to get my hair done like whoa. It is getting too long and too stringy. I am still shedding like crazy and I can't understand why. Since the 2nd week of moving back in with my parents I hardly have any stress on my shoulders. I am eating more but maybe not as much as I should. Sounds crazy but I never think to eat sometimes because I am so busy. I really want to make a stop at Sephora in the Florida Mall and talk to the ladies about some good concealer and foundation. I want to look really good when I see Vinson for the first time in 2 months. I may also break down and get a pedicure. I am very self-concious about my feet for reasons I will not disclose.

Well, I should go get ready for work. yayy (sarcasm)

I got a letter, I got a letter, I got a letter hey hey HEY

I am soooo happy that I finally got a letter from Vinson in the mail. It was perfect timing to considering I was feeling a little "drained" after not hearing from him for so long. Basically he told me that he misses me sooo much and that made me sooo happy I cried! It gets better! He is element leader! And his TI told him that if he keeps his shit together, he is on his way to honor grad. I couldn't be more proud of him! I am so happy he is doing well. This letter was just thing thing I needed. I still could use a phone call; however, if all I got was letters, I'd be fine.

I don't really know what else to say..im just so stoked!

My Long Lost Friend

Well I still haven't gotten' a call from Vinson yet. I heard from many wives that I normally would get a call on the 2nd Sunday. Well guess what? I didn't! I think what annoys me the most is how some women received phone calls from their husbands who have left the same day as Vinson. I would be fine if I knew I wouldn't get phone calls at all but knowing they can have at least 1 phone call a week and then not get any is TEASING ME. For fook sakes I just want to know how everything is going. I have yet to receive a letter either. The only thing I that was delivered in the mail was the form I needed to enroll into DEERS(TriCare) and to get my military I.D. I wonder if he even has envelopes to send me anything. GRRRRR

Ok, now that is off my chest. I don't know if I already have mentioned this; however, I will mention it again. I re-connected with a friend from Middle School. We have plans to do some stuff on Saturday and I am really looking forward to it. I haven't had a girls night out in a long-ass time plus I really liked her as a friend back in the diz-zay. I honestly don't know how we lost each other. I really think it was over Kristine and her manipulative ways. I have no doubt she lied over something about her that made me drift apart from her. She has done that to sooo many people in Middle School/High School and I regret ever letting her have that control over me. But anyway! So Saturday I work 7-3pm and afterward I am going to her house and she is going to do my hair. Cut and Color. She is a hairstylist and she is gonna do everything for dirt cheap. Afterwards we're going to go out to have a few drinks and she is going to introduce me to her hubs. Tuesday (tomorrow) I think I am going to Joo's sister's place for movie night with the boys. Wednesday I don't have any plans but I am going to see who has plans because it is ST. PATTY'S DAY! I will probably be stuck at home in the end anyway but we'll see.

So I am really going to stop using my iPod as an excuse not to work out. I do think it's a legitimate excuse. I mean, who can work out without any music? Music gets me motivated and I need motivation to PUSH myself. I am debating on downloading lime-wire on my computer but I am afraid of what it will do to it. We had it on both our office computer and living room computer and hadn't any problems. I just want to start working out, "re-vamp" myself all before seeing Vinson at graduation. I kind of let myself go when we lived together. I was just so exhausted to take care of myself but now that I have less stress on my shoulders, I can concentrate on getting myself back up.

Tattoo Delima

Today is going so slow! Holy crap! Ok, so I received a little postcard in the mail from Vinson with his address on it. I still think it's wrong. I hope I am right otherwise I will be getting a couple letters back with "return to sender". I mean,should I follow the address he gave me or the address that is listed on the Lackland AFB website? Oh well, I guess we'll see later on.

I was really hoping to hear from Vinson on Sunday night. That was kind of a disappointment. Oh well, I really hope he still writes to me even though he can call me. Then again, I wouldn't blame him if he'd rather go to the barracks and just crash. I'm sure with all the PT, class, and being yelled at can exhaust anyone to no end.

Today was one of my "down" days. I have my "up" days and "down" days. Usually my days are pretty good; however, for some reason all of my insecurities have creep'd up on me today. All day I was thinking, I hate the fact that I am so skinny, I think my hair is thinning, and the one thing that brought me to tears was my tattoo. I don't know if I want to do a "cover up" tattoo or just fork out the money to get it lazered off. I have tried talking to a few tattoo shops and they all tell me it is really big (in comparison to my body). The problem is, I don't know what to do with it. I thought about getting flowers or a koi fish. My tattoo basically LOOKS like a fireball with an "H" when it was supposed to be a sun with my Pisces sign. I absolutely hate it and regret ever getting it. I mean, I like tattoos and usually the "tramp stamp" is supposed to be ..sexy..but it's not..its butt-ugly. Maybe I'll just continue to hit up more shops until I find someone who understands what I am looking for and will help me with this. I'm thinking about doing two hibiscus flowers..that should be big enough and the colors are vibrant enough to work. I don't know, I first have to save enough money to even start looking at tattoo shops.

Tomorrow is supposed to me my day of spring break; however, I have no life, no money, and no opportunities to go out and experience spring break the way college students are supposed to experience it. It's OK though, I don't care much for drinking my self into a stupor and slutting myself across Daytona Beach. I like the idea of just sleeping in, maybe go to lunch with my mom (she owes me one for my birthday) and just hanging out and do nothing. Wednesday the co-workers and myself are going down to the port to have a few. I missed out on the few occasions because I was working or had to be in class first thing in the morning.

I wonder when I can expect phone calls from Vinson. It would be nice to ask if there would be a set day so I know I could maybe ask Jim if I could work mornings so I wouldn't have to randomly excuse myself from the desk to take his call. I think it's hard to be strapped to your phone when you're at the front desk. I mean, how would if you were checking in with me and in the middle of your check in, I just walk away with my phone to talk to someone? Part of me wouldn't give two-shits but I care to much damnit. Oh well. I am ready to go home... and go to bed. I have been feeling very tired lately.. Ugghh Night!

My seester is coming to town.

Well I got a call from Vinson last night. He gave me the address and when I should start seeing his paychecks come through our bank account. He told me he is doing well and he sounded like he was doing well. I guess they made him some king of squad leader and water boy. He told me that it was a good thing because they don't yell at them much. I don't recall him ever saying he misses me... I hope it was becasue he didn't have much time to talk because the TI's only allow them about 15minutes to talk on the phone and this phone call was spent on giving me some important information. Nonetheless, I was happy he called. It was kinda weird because I was writing him a letter, explaining I how I decided to write him now even though I didn't have his address yet.

One of the wierdest things happened yesterday. You see, sometimes I go onto these military spouse forum thingys to talk to other wives/girlfriends. I happened to see a post from another wife who was talking about her husband leaving on March 2nd for Air Force BMT. I was like "holy smokes" and decided to contact her because that is the same day Vinson left. I come to find out she is around my age, she has family members in Titusville, and her husband is in the same flight as vinson, staying in the same flipping dorm! How wierd is that? Of all the people who shipped out to bootcamp on that day, I come acorss one woman who's husband is in the same unit as mine. I wrote to vinson asking if he knew her husband. I wouldn't mind meeting up with her for graduation just to say hi. It is really nice to meet someone who is in the exact some boat as me. I mean, other women are very helpful because they have already been through the stage I am at but it's nice to have someone who is going through the same stage. I will have someone to vent to and she can vent to me all she wants.

Well, I'm sure you may be confused as to why I am talking about Vinson when the subject of today's blog is "My seester is coming to town". Well, I have a half sister who is my dad's daugther from a previous marraige. She is much older than me (I feel bad because I don't know her age)but she lives in North Carolina. She is coming down for bike week. I would have enjoyed her visit on any day except for today. Sounds bad, I know; however, I didn't get much sleep last night and I had to be at work at 7am. Plus since he has been gone, this is the first day I feel kind of "blah". I just want to slip into my pj's, curl into my bed and just keep to myself. Oh well, I don't think they will stay around for long. Afterall, they do have to drive up to Daytona for this Bike Week thing.

And so the Adventure Begins..

Well to start this is my first bloggity-boo about my life, my family, and the adventures of the military life.

About an hour ago I recieved a phone call from Vinson from San Antonio Texas. He was about to get on the bus that will take him to Lackland Air Force base where he will begin his two month long training. I feel like an ass because the last two times I have spoken to him over the phone, I didn't know what to say. I felt nervous really. Basically I just told him good luck and I will see him soon...heh

A lot of people have been asking me "are you OK?" "if there is anything you need, I'm a phone call away". I am so happy to have such good friends and family who are concerned for me but to my surprise I am doing pretty well. I haven't cried. If anything, It feels a little different to me. I always expect a phone call or a message from Vinson but when I look at my phone..there is nothing. No missed calls, no text messages. Sounds cheesy but that is the first sign to me that it is real. \

I think bootcamp will be ok for me; however, tech school is what I am most worried about. Tech school can possible take up to 4-6 months...maybe even long depending on his job. We don't know what his job will be because he signed his contract as "guaranteed apptitude area" which basically means he doesn't have a "set" job but he is guaranteed to get a job in electronics.

Tech school is said to be a strict version of college and like college, airmen are allowed to go out and I am afraid his single friends will encourage him to go out drinking, club hopping, and etc. I know that is not his style AT ALL but in my opinion, guys are greatly influenced by who the hang out with. I just hope that he finds himself some friends who are also married and can relate to the level of commitment a married involves.

Well this is day 1 of this new life for us. I hope and prey (even though I am not religious) that he does will. I have high hopes that he will. His heart is in it and that will help him succeed.